This week the truth will be revealed … and severely distorted. Join the Earth’s Mightiest Bastards as they delve into some the the worlds deepest darkest conspiracy theories and manage to make up a few of their own. Can the Son of God-Head save the human race from our Reptilian Overlords? Was the assassination of JFK carried out by a cross dressing death squad? What horror lies beneath the Denver air port? Will a Harp weather machine ran by a elite cabal of bankers bring the world to its knees? In a turn of events a listener calls in for pizza but gets much more than she bargains for. Space Pumas, Bad Wookies and defecating in the 14th dimension. The truth is out there .. Or is it

Welcome to the EMBpod sexy hotline show ! The guys interrupt a listeners dinner and things get hot then weird and eventually uncomfortable. 6 inch tall Aliens are invading earth, salacious firemen in NJ get frisky and fart ghosts and or demons run amuck somewhere in a slavic village. In superhero news things get deep when Superman’s plumbing is brought into question, Spidermans hemorrhoids leave him butt hurt, barbaric wiping techniques are explained and Marc yells at his dogs. What happens when a bastard shaves his beard !? Lets not found out

Audio challenges can’t keep this weeks episode down. Joined by a special guest, Becky Wasilenko the guys decide that topics are for Republicans and wing it. Big horned Tim Curry is declared the cloven hooved sex symbol for prepubescent women everywhere, Stephen Dorf shame rapes us into buying cybernetic blue cigs and a giant penis statue busts tea bagging ghost in Thailand. Meanwhile Zombie prostitutes invade Zimbabwe, an Iranian business man builds a bush league TARDIS and Rob anxiously awaits the inevitable return of his werewolf baby mama with the Yakuza hot on her wagging tail. Bark at the moon, it’s episode #38!

Reading takes eyes, we don’t have eyes! This science-riffic episode is brought to you by Audible.com. Lets take a field trip to the wonderful and disturbing realm of science where we learn of experiments that will likely end the world and meet a group of Mad Scientists that should not be allowed around puppies or monkeys. Who wants to recreate the Big Bang in a microwave? How about launching occult rockets with Jack Parsons and not blowing your face hole off? The Japanese take science and torture to a whole new level with unit 731 and the KKK took my communist slave ape man hybrid away. Fire up your bunsen burners boys and girls things are going to get uncomfortable.

This week Rob reveals his secret identity as The Fall Guy aka The Human Car Magnet. North Korea is getting its nuclear strut on and Blood drinking cannibal witch children frighten a entire village into submission. The White House can’t afford to pay President Obama’s Reptilian Elite body guards. Space Demons are coming correct with a positive message and the guys review their own dubious merch available at zazzle.com/embpod Welcome back Rambo, we wish you many Pizza Huts.

Irish Whiskey hangovers and Jawbreaker can’t wash the stink off these potatoes. In a tragic case of facial hair abandonment, Chuck Norris lost his beard…. and we wept. A quick Twitter finger at the Vatican proclaims the Dark Knight as new Pope. The mouse cancels the Clone Wars and a remake of Escape From New York has Chris Kattan as our leading man. Hey who wants to make a Centaur the old fashion way? Some Ukrainian killer dolphins look for love and who doesn’t like a surprise exorcism? In a shocking turn of events, EMBpod will be sponsoring this years hands across America, Episode 35… That’s one to grow on.

Holy holiday episode ! The guys break down the resurrection gambit of Easter and prepare for the oncoming Robopocalypse. Lets take a trip around the world and celebrate Easter with some family friendly Self Crucifixion, Auto flagellation, Gravlax and the Polish Butter Lamb. Tis the season of Fish and Chocolate Bunnies so let us pray and think of the sacrifices made by Sideswipe, Duke and the Great Giants of Eternia. Nothing says Easter like the 5 most evil robots ever created that will take over the world after they eat corpses and harass the homeless. Have we gone too far and pushed the boundaries of science and technology ? How will humanity survive this Easter / Robot celebration ? Jesus shot first and so should you.

This week, enjoy some political commentary from the Iron Sheik and his twitter machine. The Iron man 3 trailer challenges the definition of the word triumphant and Mandarin. A recent rumor of Bale Bat returning to the the big screen in the JLA movie brings into question the worst thing a man could ever do. In more Bat news the guys review 6 insane villains that shock and awe the comic and aesthetic senses. Is the universe a giant brain ? Who wants to ride the coconut sh!t shack ? Journey into the cave of treasures of hidden mysteries and experience 5 miracles deleted from the bible because they were too awesome. Baby arm star jesus proclaims, walk the road or the road will walk you ! Are you ready for the Thanagarian camel clutch ? Episode 33 all up in you.

The pod to save other pods! Let’s slay some Patent Trolls ( https://www.eff.org/shield ), But not before the guys figure out the rules and regulations of Lent. Cannibal Cop and Moody Blues hit the net in search of a delicious meal and in Gotham The Boy Wonder Robin bites the dust… again. President Obama uses the rarely seen Jedi Mind Meld to save the US from telepathic Rats and colossal albino prehistoric Sloths. Holy crap another Jesus siting ? A Yukon man gets space herpes by holding a meteor in the crook of his arm only to fall victim to the Mounties In Black. Is a space fight really a fair fight ? Episode 32, It’s a gift don’t misuse it.

Happy Birthday you’re fired from the pod, This weeks episode now with 10% more bastard! Sexism and female super heroes, what could go wrong ? Lets catch the Hate train to Hate bay to discuss 50 upcoming movie remakes that disappoint and bewilder even the most mightiest of Bastards. The revenge of Charles Norris is at hand ! But in the mean time lets talk manscaping with the Pancake Astronaut. A mutant troll is shot and killed in Africa and the nocturnal Hueke-Hueke is here to punish humanity. Nobody puts Roundhouse in the corner. Episode 31 ! Let’s get passive aggressive .

This week Russia has a close call with a meteor, the Pope gives God his two weeks notice and you can pick up your EMBpod merch at zazzle.com/embpod. A conclave of vortices via sargel18 has the guys researching Mel’s Hole and the possibility of it being a doorway to a parallel dimension that transcends both time and space. Beware of the Thetis Lake Monster, it’s located in a very dangerous but polite part of Canada. Won’t you take this last Ewok dance with me ? Episode 30, this is no conspiracy, maybe just a little too much LDS.

In an episode plagued with iPad problems, Marc reveals he’s a Beyonce / Destiny’s Child fan while Rob and Chris lament the idea of the upcoming Han Solo / Boba Fett movie. George “Buck” Flowers comes full circle in Back to the Future and Christopher Lloyd is voted favorite Klingon by fans everywhere. Tyler Perry the Wrath of Khan exclusive web leak at EW and in Papua New Guinea a rash of sorcery related killings keeps the Witchfinder General busy. The Beast of Brassknocker Hill loves Sky Fish and so should you! Good morning Cake Boy, welcome to episode 29

This week the guys sell out in cryptic fashion and discover the joys of teen angst, fandom, tumblr and Kickstarter. A review of “5 Superhero movies you won’t believe almost got made” breaks hearts and minds while earth welcomes it’s new crystal overlord Lars Ulrich. The UK is helping to usher in a new age of Autonomous Kill Bots and some Sperm Whales adopt a deformed Dolphin. Vertical rainbows, The House of Doom and a small green space creature that requires a plethora wheels for mobility. This pod is about pants shitting….. but ultimately redemption! Episode 28, mulligan ahead.

48 frames a second, Dwarves and Hobbits cannot stop J.J. Abrams from directing the new Star Wars film! The guys give a in-depth analysis of the “Super Power Beat down”, Batman Vs Wolverine. Affirmative action in the 80′s finds The Super Friends becoming more culturally diverse team. A small village in Bangkok is tormented by a politically motivated “Sudden Unexpected Death Syndrome” spirit. Never judge a Space Penguin, slime has memory and in a rare moment Marc and Rob agree on something. If it bleeds, we can kill it – Episode 27

Welcome to Part 2 of the Steven Cerio interview. Steven talks about his trippy art (The Residents, King Crimson, Ministry, Wide Spread Panic) , jazz on acid and crossing his visual and musical mediums into film making. The symbol is dead, long live the Magnificent Pigtail Shadow, narrated by Kristin Hersh. (Throwing Muses).

You can purchase Steven’s Film “The Magnificent Pigtail Shadow” at Noiseville.com

*limited edition pre-release dvd of the film plus other special features. packaged in a limited edition hand silk screen printed 8 page booklet signed and numbered by steven cerio, edition of 450 copies*

You can purchase the soundtrack to ”The Magnificent Pigtail Shadow” at Wowcool.com

*The soundtrack to the 2012 film by Steven Cerio featuring excerpts from the narration by Kristin Hersh (Throwing Muses, 50 Foot Wave). Includes eight bonus tracks of music that were not used in the final film.*

The Earth’s Mightiest Bastards welcome a very special guest this week, the Renaissance Psychedelic Wizard himself Mr. Steven Cerio. In this 2 part episode we explore the odyssey of the “Germ Free Paradise” that is Cerio’s world.

Starting off in NYC as a young artists with nothing but his drawing portfolio of fictitious microorganism, Cerio helped spear head the psychedelic art revival and contributed to the NYC noise scene playing with Dee Dee Ramone (The Ramones) and Drunk Tank.

check out Steven’s work online at

Website : http://www.stevencerio.com/
Facebook : http://www.facebook.com/StevenCerio
Tumblr: http://steven-cerio.tumblr.com/

Whovians United ! In this special episode the guys sit down and celebrate all the “wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff” that is new school Doctor Who ( Seasons 1-4 , Eccelston – Tennant ). Prepare for an emergency temporal shift into The Tardis, Rose, Martha, The Master, Daleks, Cybermen, Time Lords, Judoon, Sontarans and of course the antics of Matt Smith. To be fair lets not forget Tom Bakers multicolored mile long scarf. This Episode is brought to you by Audible.com 

Apologies in post advance for fecal microphone problems. This week things get interesting with the The Superior Spider-Man.. or not. Top 10 super heroes deaths manages to both inspire and disappoint everyone involved. Let’s take a personal journey with Steven Spielberg and Robopocalypse. Is that a HARP weather machine or a ghost ship ? The Bastards learn of a Central American Water Monkey that enjoys a steady diet of human fingernails, teeth, and eye balls. Welcome to the Dick Kicker folks strap yourself into Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and remember … Achieve the beard

The first episode of 2013 is here! After a holiday break we are back and now on Stitcher Radio! Let’s bring in the New Year with Meadowlark Lemon, Doc Ock, Peter Parker and a Mindswap. What does the future hold for the next 150 years? Can Immortal Mice excel in Math? We work on some new dick jokes with the Ear Eater of Kentucky. Goblins, Boils, Monkey Men and Vampire Cannibals run amok around the world while the Popobawa commits some politically charged crimes against men in Zimbabwe. Episode 23 is here don’t deny it’s existence.

Welcome to a very special Christmas episode of the Earth’s Mightiest Bastards! A Christmas Carol is butchered while across the globe children feed a Poop Log and others Rap Battle a Horse Corpse. The Yule Lads wreak havoc with their Yuletide Apex Predator Pet and Black Peter forgot to make reservations at KFC.  Who’s ready for an 8 meat sandwich ? We are ! Now hide the broom Santa is almost here.

Cancel the Apocalypse! This episode.. apologies are made, wrestling is discussed and Pacific Rim is officially more awesome than two Outer Space Mummies kissing. Ghost hunting takes a sinister bovinian turn and Uncle Rob’s Crypto Corner brings us to God Town. Nigerian spam scams make way,  a monkey is loose in IKEA and the bastards are calling PETA.  Who got touched by the Bike Guy ? Episode 21 did. Stay Tuned after the pod for “Curses be Damned” by Common Courtesy!

This week Salvatore the Blood Orange is taking us beyond the Black Hole with Hellboy and North Korean Unicorns.  Remember in the 50′s when Project A119 almost broke the oceans? Grab your garlic and crosses there’s a homeless Vampire loose in Siberia. Chris shares his Santa Claus / Black Metal Reindeer theory and the pod hits an all new low with the Sexxtons.

Beware brave listener, technical difficulties ahead but fear not ! Curtains McAllister, famed pugilist and art historian is here with the big questions. Will Cheech Marin be the next Green Lantern? What if Luke Cage ate pancakes for year? In a shocking turn of events the Bastards dish on their favorite Star Wars moments. The Mayan Apocalypse is called off by Marc while on his honeymoon and Lindsay Lohan is in jail. Every pair of pants will be shat. Episode 19

Marc sits down with Rob to discuss their joint labor of love in all things Cryptozoological, Americanmonsters.com. This episode is brought to you by Audible.com 

The guys tackle the big issues this week with special guest Judo Joe G! Zombies, big box VHS, parenting tips, Tokusatsu, Program Missile Puncher, convention stories, Godzilla and magical raccoon balls. We don’t believe in demons, technically. This is episode 18

In a “Carnoless” episode Rob and Marc are left with only their beards and sweatpants to discuss the current season of the walking dead (SPOILER ALERTS). This episode is brought to you by audible.com 

Coming to you this week from the Igloo of Hate! The guys discuss MANBORG,  Micky Vader, Darth Mouse and Precious Fett. Can a Sexual Tyrannosaurus Rex Rickroll an entire planet of Mormons? You’re gonna eat a Baphomet head and crap Pazuzu wings. Episode 16

The guys welcome two special guests to the pod this week. Lisa gets down to brass tacks with Prometheus and Paul looks for yard tools he lent Marc years ago. Movie trailers are reviewed and the old gods agree we need more cake on cake action. Episode 15

Episode 14, say it ain’t so! Teleportation roommate buddies rejoice the future is now! The guys mull over why DC can’t make a movie as good as Marvel. In a not so distant future Marc runs for president and advocates Semi-Automatic Weapons, Foreskin and Flying Tigers. Science is crazy, have a good ride Jim.

Damn Thee technical difficulties! Super hero news and rumors abound this week. George Washington Octopus Hunter saves Honey Boo Boo and Rob breaks out some movie trivia. Special guest spot by Marc’s Wife and The Love Letters hit an all time low (no really it’s bad). How many Eskimos have you met? Oh Well, Episode 13

The guys take to this mics this week to discuss the horror that is movie sequels. Nicolas Cage and his sad eyes defeat the Predator while the Japanese have cured tooth decay. Love Letters to Marc takes a dark turn in a form of a poem. Que the exploding parakeet and tell “Bad Touch Coach” to put the bag of kitten downs, it’s time for episode 12.

Morgan Freeman survives another attempt on his life by the internet. Are we facing 1000 years of darkness? Can Axel Foley explain why Avatar is a great movie? The Three Liberal Beards present “Love Letters to Marc” part 2. Is that a Dalek in the window? no it’s Episode 11

The guys get political and discover Michael Clarke Duncan (RIP) has been protecting the people of earth from the horrors of Fred Durst and the ICP. Join us in reviewing middle school love letters to Marc in a new weekly segment we call  ”The Mall Odyssey”. Hatches, Stanchy and Republicans .. How do they work ? Episode 10 boom

A pod to disappoint ! The guys are delt some horrible movie remake news.  Tempers fly when the acting career of Nicholas cage the vampire is embraced and celebrated. A dangerous dirtbag tries to stay positive during the longest goodbye ever featuring cult classic Disco Godfather. The Mayans are never right but episode 9 is here.

This week The Earth’s Mightiest Bastards celebrate reaching 100 “Likes” of their Facebook page but a revelation involving Ben Affleck threatens to tear them apart. Does this spell the end for the Bastards ?  What can bring them back together ? Only Lars Ulrich, mutant butterflies, C Thomas Howell and a murder machine can heal these wounds. Episode 8 is upon us, prepare yourself.

Dark Knight Rises Review – SPECIAL SPOILER EDITION. Marc, Chris and Rob sit down to hash out the latest and final installment of the Nolanverse Batman films. We laughed, we cried and almost dehydrated. You get one spoiler warning. If you haven’t seen the movie shame on you for your lack of bat enthusiasm.

This week from the Garage of Injustice ! Will humans have sex with robots and is it considered cheating ? A Dino Resort to open in Australia while Will Smith plans to ruin everything. Some call it the “Dinky Pod” We call it episode 6.

A Brown Bear and Billy Duffins join us for episode 5 .. The Punisher shoots the entire Marvel Universe in the face and nukes Voltron.  Who wants to party ? We want to party !

Holy Christ on a crustacean Batman ! Episode 4 is upon us ! Chris, Marc and Rob wax intellectual on the Superman teaser trailer and agree J.J. Abrams is the king of lies. A Human cyborg gets attacked in a McDonalds while the Lord cradles Scott Bakula.

Episode 3 the Trilogy ! Gary Mitchell and his giant parrot continue to ruin our perception of dinosaurs . Higgs Boson, SDCC and Bill Murray. Someone’s gonna loose a gallbladder !

*right-click “download” to save file

This week Marc, Chris and Rob discuss at what age should some one stop playing D&D and learn that the Lochness Monster and Jesus are in cahoots to prove creationism. Sadly Marc is shocked to discover that Jesus did not invent space. Welcome to Episode 2 !

*right-click “download” to save file

Welcome to episode #1 ! Marc, Chris and Rob assemble for the first podcast of the Earth’s Mightiest Bastards. A Pile of intros that didn’t make the cut / Tales to Disappoint – Jurassic Farce 4.